


The Burner

by gracelessace



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Asexuality, Canon Rewrite, M/M, Mental Instability, Mutual Pining, Rewrite, Season 2, Texting, Trans Orihara Izaya, introspective asshole talk, mentions of death/dying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-11-18 19:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18125342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracelessace/pseuds/gracelessace
Summary: Unexpectedly stabbed and bleeding out in an alley... it was a fitting end. He could have gone out doing something a little more exciting, but you can't choose these things. He was willing to accept his fate until a certain monster had to go and ruin everything for him.(takes place after Izaya is stabbed in the second season)





	1. In which acceptance wasn't an option

Stabbed in a alley, left to rot. Who thought it would come to this? Probably everyone but him, and to be fair he wasn’t all that surprised either. 

 

Many people wanted him dead. If anything there’d be a pause of relief or even hushed celebration once news got out. That was fine, it wasn’t like he was much to mourn. 

 

Instead of feeling sorry for himself, Izaya wondered what his last thoughts should be about… His sisters? He’d miss them all things considered. They were both so fucked up, but maybe that was their common ground. Should he have been there more or would that have made them worse? 

 

His friends? Well he didn’t have many… Shinra and Namie were probably the only other people who might be affected by his death. Even that was a long shot. 

 

As he bled out on the sidewalk, unable to move, his last thoughts trailed over to the man that he had sworn on his life he’d destroy. Being so close to death, he was mature enough now to see past those volatile feelings. 

 

To think he’d destroy Shizuo. That wasn’t what he really wanted, but it was what he told himself to push back other more aggressive feelings. Now that his thoughts were more clear, he still didn’t know what he wanted from the man. 

 

Or rather regardless of these being his last thoughts he still couldn’t bring himself to admit it. How pathetic… he’d go out having such weak resolve with his own desires. When had that ever been the case? 

 

He felt colder now, unbearably so, but the need to sleep was stronger. At least now he’d finally get to rest. Sleep when your dead, wasn’t that the saying? 

 

The last thing he remembered was the feeling of being lifted up as he fell into unconsciousness. 

  
  
  


\------

  
  
  


“Oh wow you actually woke up?” 

 

That annoying voice… would this be his hell? 

 

Izaya forced himself to open his eyes only to see Shinra leaning over him. He looked surprised, but there was something else… was that relief? Impossible. He didn’t deserve that look. 

 

Moving his arm he realized he was hooked up to an IV and some other wires were pressed into his body. He was in the hospital? 

 

“What….” was the only thing he could say. 

 

Looking across the room it looked like Celty was there too. She had her arms crossed as if his brush with death was an inconvenience to her. Now that was more like it… 

 

“I thought you were a gonner for sure,” Shinra laughed, “I mean your stab wound wasn’t that bad, but you had lost  _ a lot  _ of blood.” 

 

Izaya blinked, still not understanding how he got there. He had been alone, collapsed on a back street. He hadn’t told anyone where he was going, no one should have been able to find him. 

 

Maybe he got lucky and Celty took pity on him? If anyone was going to take the back roads it would be her. 

 

Still from her demeanor it didn’t seem like it had anything to do with her. Perhaps it was Kadota… 

  
  


“How’d I get here?” 

 

Shinra and Celty both took pause, the two of them sharing a confused glance. That wasn’t good. 

  
  


“You mean you don’t know?” the doctor asked. 

 

He was too tired to respond. Whatever drugs they had him on were almost too good. That’s why you become friends with a doctor in the long run. 

 

The man continued, “Well technically we don’t know. We got a text from an unknown number that you were here. I came over as soon as I could thinking it was some kind of threat, but nope. You were knocked out, and then that’s when the doctor came in and told us how much blood you lost…. You really have no idea?” 

  
  


“None,” Izaya sighed, “And I can’t think of anyone who’d want me alive.” 

 

Another pause between the couple. Shinra looked worried, but probably for an entirely different reason. 

 

“Do you know who stabbed you?” 

 

He shook his head. It could have been anyone. There were people he barely remembered who’d probably jump at the chance to kill him. Who could keep count. 

 

His friend looked almost mad for a second too long, turning around to face the wall. He laughed but it wasn’t his usual carefree tone. This one was biting, an odd sound coming from someone with an otherwise sunny disposition. 

 

“What the hell Izaya,” Shinra finally turned back to look him in the eyes, “You were just going to let yourself bleed out on the street?” 

 

Izaya didn’t know how to respond to that. It was jarring to see Shinra so upset about something like this. He’d expect him to care about Celty or maybe a couple others but not him. Sure they were friends, but not really. Shinra knew how ruthless he could be, there was no way the man would actually put any faith in him. 

 

But here he was at the hospital yelling at him about almost dying. He had seen people act like this before, but only to ones they actually loved. Was he just being cruel? 

 

“Would that have been such a bad thing?” he asked, genuinely, “I mean sure I’d rather keep living but it’s not like I had much choice.” 

 

“You could have called me!” 

 

Izaya’s eyes widened at the outburst, “What? I… I didn’t want to call anyone.” 

 

The air in the room seemed to change, but he couldn’t figure out why. Even Celty was looking at him now, her arms uncrossed, hands touching the rim of her helmet like it was a face. Shinra was deflated, unsure what to say. 

 

“I just don’t get why you’re so upset or why you both came to the hospital?” 

 

The doctor scoffed, “You say that now, but if I wasn’t here I’m sure you’d be calling me. Saying something like ‘You can’t visit your longest friend while he’s in pain?’” 

 

That was true, but he’d only do that if he was bored. Not because he was actually upset. The fact that they had rushed over, and waited for him to wake up… It felt wrong.

 

“And by the way you’re  _ not _ my longest friend, that’s Celty. So don’t go getting a big head about it.” 

  
  


Izaya snorted, “I doubt Celty wanted to be  _ your _ friend at first.” 

 

The woman in question seemed to be ignoring them now, typing something on her phone. Surprisingly the message was for him, the phone being shoved in his face once she was done. 

  
  


Celty: He was worried about you. You’re going to have to accept that.

 

He glared back at the phone, “Ever think of picking up sign language?” 

 

‘No one else knows it,’ she signed back, surprising them both. 

 

Before either could respond she had another message for him. 

  
  


Celty: I can send you the unknown number if you want to do some digging to figure out who brought you here. I have a pretty good idea about who it was, but it’s not my place to say. Nor do you deserve to know. 

 

He read the message twice, his expression apathetic. Even so he used his good arm to sign back a ‘thank you.’ With that the woman gathered her things to leave. 

 

‘Appreciate the two people who actually care about you, asshole,’ was signed back before she slammed the door of the hospital room behind her. 

 

“Who? Myself and this idiot?” he said called, the action causing a sharp pain to run through his side. 

 

Shinra grabbed his chart clipped on the end of his hospital bed, flipping through the pages. His expression was unreadable, but that probably meant he was fine for the most part. 

 

He grabbed the bag sitting on the chair, rummaging through the contents. It sounded like mostly pills from the sound of it, and Izaya’s heart clinched. He knew what was coming. 

 

“Take these at night once you’re off the heavy pain killers here,” Shinra said setting the anti depressants on the bedside table, “I’m guessing you're gonna be here for at least a week from all the blood you lost, so I’ll be back to tomorrow to give you your shot.” 

 

Izaya jumped, before the pain in his side brought him back down, “How did you-- I can give it to myself now.” 

 

“Not when you can barely move, plus it will be like the old days!” 

He raised an eyebrow, “Ah yes my favorite part of our childhood friendship…” 

 

The doctor just rolled his eyes, “I have to get going, but I already called your secretary so she should be here with some of your stuff. I figured you’d want at least three phones and a laptop.” 

 

“You know me so well.” 

  
  



	2. In which perception was gained

It was colder outside this late at night but that never really bothered him. Tom said they were done early, so he figured a walk would be nice. Shizuo needed some time alone with his thoughts anyways. 

 

Vorona had wanted to go with him, but he declined. He felt like his whole world had turned upside down in the past couple of days, and he wanted to figure things out by himself. 

 

He had been walking for about thirty minutes now, and his mind had come up with no explanation for his actions that night. 

 

The familiar sound of a motorcycle zoomed into view, though it was hard to make out he knew it was her. She stopped close to where he was walking, waving him over. 

 

Celty was always a great listener, maybe she’d have some advice for him. 

 

He already had a cigarette lit by the time he made it over to her. They were facing that same old building that they forgot about, their normal meeting spot. He didn’t realize he had walked towards this place until she pulled up. 

 

Celty: Long time no see! How have you been? 

 

“Been better… what about you? I saw Shinra yesterday, he looked uptight about something.” 

 

Her shoulders tensed up, leading him to believe they had gotten into a fight. Once he saw the message it suddenly made sense. 

 

Celty: Izaya’s in the hospital so he’s worried. You’d probably be happy to know he got stabbed a few nights ago. 

 

Shizuo scowled at the phone, “Fuckin flea deserved it, but I’m not happy about  _ anyone  _ getting stabbed, Celty.” 

 

She nodded, seeming amused. 

 

Celty: Of course! So what’s bothering you then? 

 

He took a drag, trying to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he should actually tell her what happened… She wouldn’t tell that idiot doctor if he asked, but maybe the less said the better. 

 

“I guess I just surprised myself recently. I don’t know what to make of it,” he finally admitted, hoping the vagueness of his language would give her the hint he didn’t want to get into detail. 

 

Celty: Hmm I often find myself doing the same thing, especially since living in Japan. 

 

She looked thoughtful for a moment, and then typed something else. 

 

Celty: Sometimes people don’t want to acknowledge their growth. They have too many ties to the person they used to be, and don’t want to grow into the new self their becoming. Maybe you’re having a hard time understanding your actions because they aren’t something your younger self would consider doing. 

 

Shizuo blinked at the message, a small panic rising in his chest. Did she already know what happened? It wouldn’t be too hard to figure out, but he hoped the sheer shock of it all would keep anyone from considering him as a possibility. 

 

“Well aren’t you perceptive…”  

 

Celty looked down, as if she was trying to avoid his gaze. She must know something. 

 

Celty: Well you just seem to be maturing lately. I’ve known you since you were in high school after all. I can tell you have progressed a lot since then. 

 

She always knew what to say to get him flustered, whether it be about his relationship with Tom or his brother or even something nice about himself. He wrestled with a lot of self hating tendencies when he was growing up. 

 

Ever since working with Tom and talking to Celty he felt a lot better about himself. Sure Izaya still angered him to no end but even that was more of a habit…  _ that night  _ had made him realize that more than ever.

 

“I don’t know about that…” he scratched the back of his head, “I just haven’t felt as angry lately. I don’t think the same things bother me as much as they used to.” 

 

The Dullahan jumped, holding her phone out to him.

 

Celty: Well I’m proud of you!

 

“Ah Shut up!” 

  
  


\----

  
  


“You’re back later than I thought you’d be?” 

  
  


Tom was lounging on the couch going through some papers when he got back to their apartment. It seemed like even though Shizuo was off early, the other man was always working on something. 

 

“I got to talking with Celty,” he called from the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. 

 

He ended up pouring one for Tom as well, taking note of the glass of scotch sitting on the table next to him when Shizuo came in. The guy always got hangovers if he wasn’t persistent about drinking water. 

 

Tom glared at the cup sat in front of him, as Shizuo plopped himself on the floor by the table. The papers scattering around them looked like overdue fines and other cases for them to work tomorrow. 

 

“Oh yea, how is the headless rider? Haven’t seen her around much.” 

 

Shizuo shifted to lean his back against the couch, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. 

 

“Good. She gave me some good advice today.” 

 

The other man seemed to perk up at this, leaning forward, “What’d she say?” 

 

He lit another cigarette before continuing. They both smoked in the house so it wasn’t too big of a deal. It’s not like they’d get their deposit back at this point. 

 

The smoke helped him calm his nerves.Tom didn’t know what happened that night either, but he had been concerned about him the next day by how out of it Shizuo was at work. 

 

“She told me I’m maturing… how annoying, but she also made me realize that I shouldn’t worry about what I ‘would’ do in a situation and just do what I want to do now,” he tried to explain, “Celty had a better way of putting it. I’m not so good with words I guess, but it makes sense to me.” 

 

“That’s some sound advice.” 

 

He sighed, “Yea I think so. I’m just not gonna worry about what my past self would do. He’s got aggression problems.” 

 

Tom laughed hard at that, trying not to spill his drink. 

 

“Yea I’ll say!” he exclaimed, “I’m glad you’re figuring out what you want to do though.” 

 

Shizuo’s brain short circuited at the last comment. ‘Figuring out what he wanted to  _ do _ ?’ That’s not what he meant… he didn’t want to do anything about the way he was feeling. He just wanted to acknowledge it was okay to feel differently, not put it into action. 

 

Action… what the hell was he think about now? 

 

He was pretty sure the sentiment had him red in the face, and of course Tom must have noticed. 

 

“I-I--I don’t want to do anything, that’s not-- I’m not--” 

 

He was laughing at him again, but Shizuo was too nervous to be mad. 

 

“Shizuo where the hell is your head at? You’ve been acting so weird since yesterday, did something happen to make you start thinking about all of this?” 

 

“I don’t know,” the blond deflected, turning his face away, “I mean yea something did happen.. But I just don’t think … I don’t want to talk about it.” 

 

Shizuo always got worse with his words the more nervous he got. He could never finish a sentence, and he often repeated words, unsure of himself.  

 

Tom had stopped laughing now, and his face looked concerned once he finally turned around. He knew he’d have to tell him something. However what the man asked him wasn’t what he expected. 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

He blinked, “What? Me? Yea  _ I’m _ fine.” 

 

“So then someone else isn’t? You’re worried about something, or is it someone?” the man asked, always able to read him like a book. 

 

Then again Shizuo was always the straightforward type whether he wanted to be or not. 

 

“Fine you caught me,” he held up his hands, “I guess I’m worried about them. I’m more confused with myself for being worried in the first place though.” 

 

Tom clicked his tongue, “Hmmm well I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” 

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

 

The almost knowing look his friend gave him in response made him immediately regret asking. He didn’t seem annoyed, but that look left him feeling like he was missing something. 

 

“Don’t get so bent out of shape, Heiwajima. 

  
  


_ It’s just a crush.”  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tom is one of my favorites, so I thought it would be cute if him and Shizuo shared an apartment! I'm excited to explore the relationships and friendships that aren't as touched on in the show.


	3. In which the guessing game begins

“God this is so annoying….” 

 

He was still in the hospital even though it had been a week. The doctors didn’t think it was safe to discharge him just yet. Apparently since Izaya had a weak immune system there was high risk of infection, and he was still having a hard time breathing at night. 

 

Naime had made a makeshift office for the two of them, hooking up two laptops and bringing in copies of their more important contacts they were working with. Now that he wasn’t dead, he had to keep doing his job which was a bit of a bummer. 

 

While being an informant was all he wanted in life, it also left him dealing with people he’d rather not associate with. He loved humans as a whole, some specific people left him feeling ill. 

 

Naime had just brought him a coffee, when he had his outburst. It was so boring sitting in this sterile room. If he was here any longer Shinra would probably stop by to check on him again. Getting his shot from the man  was more than enough contact to last him a year. 

 

“Well what did the doctor say this morning?” Naime asked, sipping her own coffee. 

 

He dramatically fell back into the pillows he requested from home. The down feathers sucked him into the pile as he slowly sunk back into bed. 

 

“They said a couple more days, but they also said the same thing a couple days ago..” he whined, “I still haven’t been able to figure out who brought me here. The unknown number ended up being from one of my own burners.” 

 

The woman scoffed, “Well I can assure you it wasn’t me, but I’d be sad to see you go. 

 

How else would I get paid?” 

 

“I know it wasn’t my idiot sisters…” 

 

Naime held up a hand, “That reminds me--” 

 

She got up to leave the room, rolling in a cart with flowers. Izaya face was more disturbed than anything. They were simple lilies, but they were there nonetheless. And apparently they were for him… 

 

“Who?”

 

“--no idea, the nurse told me they were brought in by a delivery person with no note.” 

 

Izaya groaned into his pillows, “Do you think whoever brought me here, is messing with me?” 

 

She just shrugged, sitting back down to finish what she was working on earlier. 

 

“I mean I’m an info broker,” he continued, “How am I not able to figure this out? I guess I could see if the flower shop has any information…” 

 

Naime rolled her eyes, “Or you could be a normal person and be glad someone cares enough to send you flowers.” 

 

“Jealous?” 

 

Now she was glaring at him, but he didn’t care. What he wanted to know was who gave a shit about him dying, and who sent these stupid lilies. They had to be from the same person. 

 

He got up to inspect the flowers further, and found there actually was a note. It had fallen into the vase in the mess of petals and stems. 

  
  


_ ‘If anyone’s going to kill you it’s me.’  _

 

The hair was standing up on his arms. It was when he dropped the card that he realized he was slightly shaking. He wasn’t sure if it was from fear or excitement… maybe both. 

 

What he did know was that he had to find out who brought him here. It wasn’t often someone got the jump on him, especially someone he knew. It was thrilling. 

 

The note didn’t give him any hints though. Many people wanted to kill him, then again who would keep him alive just so they could do so? That narrowed things down a little. 

 

Now that he was thinking about it, who had the personality to send him flowers just to let him know their murderous intent? A few names came to mind. Some he was indifferent to, but one in particular he despised to no end. 

 

He quickly dismissed the thought.

 

To think Shizuo Heiwajima would be able to out smart him. That alone was a pretty hilarious notion. If Shizu-chan found him bleeding out in the street, no doubt he’d probably want to finish the job, not take him to the hospital. 

 

Then again…. Whoever it was knew Shinra and messaged the man knowing out of anyone he’d be the one to come. Their friendship wasn’t really public knowledge, but he wasn’t hiding it.

 

If Shizuo did save his life, he’d probably let Shirna know. Even so it made no sense, Shizuo would be the last person who want to see him alive, and he definitely wouldn’t send him flowers no matter what the note said. 

But hadn’t Shizu-chan said that to him before… 

 

_ “If anyone’s going to kill you it’s me!”  _

 

The memory of his ridiculous voice made him frown. There was no way it was him, he’d be ecstatic to find Izaya dying in an alley. 

 

“Oh so there was a note? What’s it say?” Naime asked, looking up from her work. 

 

He picked up the cardstock sitting on the lilies and ripped it into pieces.

  
  


“Nothing important.” 

  
  
  


\----

  
  
  


It was three in the morning when something finally hit him. 

 

_ Where the hell was that burner phone?  _

 

When Celty gave him the number that messaged Shinra, he had written it off because he recognized it as one of his own. His dumbass didn’t think to check if he still had it. 

 

At this point all seven of his phones should he here at the hospital. When he went through his things to check, sure enough he only had six. Whoever brought him here must still have the phone they used. 

 

Sadly it was one of the older burners, with no tracking on it. The only thing he could do was message the mystery person and see if they would respond. 

 

He got back into bed with another phone, wondering if he should send them something now or when it was actually day time. It was three in the morning, so if they did reply then he could assume whoever it was probably had a more nocturnal schedule, narrowing down the suspects. 

 

Izaya: Hey do you still have my phone? 

 

It was casual enough to warrant an absent minded reply. He hoped the trick would work so he could get some kind of information. A few minutes went by and he actually got a response.

 

Unknown: Yes. 

 

Izaya: So what you’re planning on keeping it to mess with me?

 

Unknown: No. 

 

Izaya: Then why do you have it? 

 

Unknown: By mistake. 

 

Izaya: So you didn’t mean to take it? 

 

Unknown: I didn’t. 

 

Izaya: Then can I have it back?

 

Unknown: No. 

 

Izaya: Not a man of many words. 

 

Unknown: Who says I’m a man? 

Izaya: Very true. 

Izaya: You know I can just call the company and cancel that phone. 

 

Unknown: Then do it. 

 

That last response had him more than excited. Whoever this was really didn’t seem to care, but had enough interest to keep the conversation going. Maybe they’d answer his more important questions… 

 

Izaya: I’m guessing you’re the person who brought me to the hospital? 

 

Unknown: I am. 

 

Izaya: What’s your motive? 

 

Unknown: I don’t have one. 

 

Izaya: Well did you send me those flowers. 

 

Unknown: I did. 

 

Izaya: So you want to kill me? 

 

Unknown: Yes and No. 

Unknown: Maybe not as much as before. 

 

Izaya: That’s not an answer.   
Izaya: If you really sent them, what kind of flowers are they? 

 

Unknown: Lilies. 

 

His heart was beating erratically. It was rare for him to be so eaten up about something like this. It was the mystery that had him reeling. By now he’d be ten steps ahead, but he was at a loss. 

 

This was absolutely the person who saved his life, and he had no idea how to feel about it. If he pried more maybe he’d figure out who it was by context clues. Sure right now they were playing it close to the vest, but they’d let something slip. 

 

Izaya: And you told Shinra to check on me too. 

Izaya: You must know him then? 

 

Unknown: They were the last person you messaged on this phone. 

 

Izaya paused. This person had been careful not to assign Shinra a gender which was more suspicious than not. They had to know the doctor then. There was a good chance it was someone from their friend circle or the underground. 

 

Sadly Shizuo could fit both of those categories… 

 

He wasn’t able to gage their personality from the short responses yet either which didn’t bode well. 

 

Izaya: What about the headless rider? Heard of her? 

 

Unknown: Who hasn’t? 

 

Izaya: You’d be surprised. 

Izaya: So what, you must not hate me that much if you brought me in. 

 

Unknown: You’re a very self centered person. 

 

Izaya: What? 

 

Unknown: Asking questions about yourself to figure out who I am. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. 

 

Izaya: They haven’t all been about me. 

 

Unknown: Most. 

 

Izaya: Fine then what’s your favorite color? 

 

Unknown: Blue. 

 

Izaya: Whatever that’s everyone’s favorite color. It’s been proven to be more pleasing to the eye for people who aren’t color blind. 

 

Unknown: Then I guess I’m not colorblind. 

 

Izaya: Guess not.   
Izaya: Well then do you have any siblings? 

 

Unknown: I know that you do. 

 

Izaya: Do we have any mutual friends? 

 

Unknown: This city isn’t that big, probably. 

 

Izaya: For someone who wants to be asked, you aren’t answering very clearly.

 

Unknown: Obviously. 

Unknown: It’s not like I want you to find out who I am. 

 

Izaya: Don’t you? 

Izaya: Why else would you be replying? 

 

Unknown: I guess I just wanted to know what it would be like to actually talk to you. 

Izaya: I see. 

 

Unknown: I’m annoyed. 

Unknown: I wasn’t expecting to like it. 

 

Izaya had never been in this position before. Normally he knew who he was talking to but not the other way around. The tables had been turned, and if he was being honest with himself he liked it as well. 

 

Whoever he was talking to knew the type of person he was, but they still liked talking to him? From what it seemed it sounded like they’ve never talked before? Or if they had there was circumstances that kept it from being casual. 

 

Even so it had been a while for such a sentiment to actually get to him. He had to take a moment to figure out his reply. 

 

Izaya: I guess there’s nothing for me to hide behind. You already know who I am. 

 

Unknown: Not really. 

Unknown: Any guesses on your end? 

 

Izaya: Color me stumped. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now the title finally makes sense. The next chapter will just be the texts between Izaya and the 'unknown' burner phone, so that update will come faster than others.


	4. In which the wall comes down

 

Izaya: I’m finally out of the hospital!!! It took long enough, you should have just let me die. This has been such a hassle.

 

Unknown: You’re welcome.

 

Izaya: I was NOT thanking you.

Izaya: but honestly do you know how annoying it is to get your work done in a hospital bed?

 

Unknown: It’s been a while, but yea.

 

Izaya: Ohhh some personal information. What else?

 

Unknown: What else?

 

Izaya: Why were you in the hospital?

 

Unknown: Which time?

 

Izaya: So a lot of hospital visits….. 

Izaya: Do you know what its like to be stabbed.

 

Unknown: More than you.

 

Izaya: Ha I doubt that.

 

Unknown: Oh so other people are bringing you into the hospital every other day?

 

Izaya: Don’t be jealous.

Izaya: I wasn’t talking about knives.

 

Unknown: I’m not jealous.

 

Izaya: That’s what you focus on? We must not talk casually enough for you to get my sense of humor then.

 

Unknown: Aside from this I don’t think we’ve ever had a normal conversation.

 

Izaya: Well maybe we can if you tell me who you are?

 

Unknown: Impossible.

 

Izaya: Would you disappoint me so greatly?

 

Unknown: No offense but it’s probably the other way around.

 

Izaya: I’d disappoint you?

 

Unknown: I just don’t think I’d be able to talk to you any other way. 

 

Izaya: So you want to keep talking to me?

 

Unknown: I don’t really care, but I don’t want you to know who I am.

 

Izaya: That’s fair

Izaya: I’m going to find out eventually though.

 

Unknown: I know.

Unknown: I just wonder how that would change things…

 

Izaya: Maybe we could be friends, I don’t really have friends but you know what I mean.

 

Unknown: I don’t. 

 

Izaya: Well then.

  
  


Izaya: Maybe I’ll stop trying to find out.

 

Unknown: Why is that?

 

Izaya: I like talking to you, and I don’t feel like changing things for the worse.

 

Unknown: I wasn’t expecting that.

 

Izaya: Neither was I.

 

——-

  
  


Izaya: Hey do you know who stabbed me? It wasn’t you right?

 

Unknown: No I didn’t stab you? 

Unknown: Wouldn’t that be counter productive?

 

Izaya: You can’t blame me for asking.

 

Unknown: Well I don’t know.

 

Izaya: I figured as much.

Izaya: Those lilies finally died.

 

Unknown: It was bound to happen.

 

Izaya: You’re not very talkative today.

 

Unknown: I never am.

 

Izaya: I told you I’m not trying to find you out anymore. Can’t we just talk normally?

 

Unknown: Knowing you that’s just a ploy to give you more information to use against me.

 

Izaya: Ahhh right on the mark.

Izaya: I meant what I said though.

 

Unknown: I know.

 

Izaya: So confident. I guess I shouldn’t expect less from someone who send a death threat in a flower arrangement.

 

Unknown: I wasn’t thinking things through.

 

Izaya: Do you do that a lot?

 

Unknown: Yea.

Unknown: It wasn’t really a death threat….

 

Izaya: Well you seemed to take my dying as a personal attack

 

Unknown: Seeing all of that blood certainly made me feel attacked.

 

Izaya: Why did you end up taking me to the hospital if you wanted to kill me so badly?

 

Unknown: I guess I just realized that those feelings are immature. It’s not how I feel now, it’s how felt then.

 

Izaya: Wow I wasn’t prepared for such a thoughtful response…

 

Unknown: It’s a recent self evaluation thing.

Unknown: When I saw you bleeding out I realized that I didn’t want you to die. At least not that way. 

 

Izaya: I’m so flattered…

 

Unknown: You know what I mean.

Unknown: I feel like you’re the type of person to die on your own terms in the middle of some ridiculous riot you’ve  constructed

 

Izaya: Yea that does sounds like me.

Izaya: What about you, how do you want to die?

 

Unknown: In my sleep.

 

Izaya: Boring!

 

Unknown: Yea, it is.

Unknown: Do you think about death a lot?

 

Izaya: Yes.

 

Unknown: I used to but why dwell on it if you can’t control it.

Unknown: Everyone’s going to die eventually.

 

Izaya: Yes I suppose your right. Maybe that’s why I obsess over such an uncontrollable force.

 

Unknown: How ironic..

 

Izaya: ???

Izaya: You’re very introspective today.

Izaya: I can definitely cross out some suspects.

 

Unknown: I thought you said you didn’t want to know.

 

Izaya: I can’t help what’s on my mind.

Izaya: And you’ve been on it all the time, lately.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Unknown: Are you hitting on me?

 

Izaya: NO

 

Unknown: Because if you are you probably want to stop, for your future self.

Unknown: I have a feeling you’re going to figure me out eventually.

 

Izaya: I was NOT hitting on you. 

 

Unknown: Sure you weren’t. 

 

Izaya: Your overconfidence will be your end!

 

Unknown: Oh I sure hope so. 

  
  
  


\------

  
  


Izaya: I figured out who stabbed me. 

Izaya: So anti-climatic :( 

 

Unknown: Who was it? 

 

Izaya: Jinnai Yodogiri 

 

Unknown: Never heard of him. 

 

Izaya: He’s another info broker, more experience but kind of a hack. 

Izaya: I think he’s mad I tried to get some dirt on him. 

 

Unknown: Someone getting upset over you invading their personal privacy? Unheard of. 

 

Izaya: Listen this guy’s about as bad as they get. Heard he hired some russians to kidnap a little girl!! 

 

Unknown: Since when do you care about that kind of stuff? 

 

Izaya: You’re right I don’t. 

Izaya: But still, pretty gross guy right? 

 

Izaya: I met that little girl, she was hilarious. 

 

Unknown: I can’t imagine children liking you very much. 

 

Izaya: Why is that? 

 

Unknown: Children are honest. Not gonna fall for your bullshit. 

 

Izaya: Maybe you’re right. 

 

Unknown: So now that you know who did it, what are you going to do? 

 

Izaya: I’m having it taken care of, I know a guy. 

 

Unknown: Of course. Not a real answer. 

 

Izaya: Well you don’t give them either.

Unknown: That’s fair. 

Unknown: How’d you let something so dumb happen to you?    
  


Izaya: I guess I wasn’t expecting it. 

Izaya: He called me and started monologuing, but then suddenly he was right next to me on the street, and that’s when he stabbed me. 

 

Unknown: That’s incredibly stupid. 

 

Izaya: How was I supposed to know he was on the same street as me? I didn’t even know the guy.    
Izaya: Which is surprising considering what I do.

 

Unknown: Weird. This city is always so violent. 

 

Izaya: Surprisingly not my fault this time. 

 

Unknown: Yea what a surprise, when it’s happening to you. How did it feel to get a taste of your own medicine? 

 

Izaya: Not great. 

 

Unknown: Good maybe you won’t act so omniscient now. 

 

Izaya: No promises… 

Izaya: It’s a weird feeling for someone to know me without me knowing them. 

Izaya: It’s like being on the other side of the magnifying glass. 

 

Unknown: Sadly it’s not as humanizing as you’d think. 

 

Izaya: What, you mean it’s not a good look? 

 

Unknown: Sorry no. It’s unnatural. 

Unknown: How’s your empathy? 

 

Izaya: Nonexistent. 

Izaya: Shinra says he was worried about me, but that doesn’t make any sense. 

Izaya: I mean why would anyone in their right mind worry about me? 

Izaya: I’m not throwing a pity party, I’m genuinely curious. 

 

Unknown: Not everything has to serve a purpose or have an outcome. 

Unknown: People are allowed to having feelings, sometimes you just have to deal with it. 

 

Izaya: I guess so.

Izaya: but I’d rather others not waste them on me. 

Izaya: I suppose I’ve known Shinra too long for him not to form some kind of attachment. 

 

Unknown: Statistically speaking I suppose someone has to like you. 

 

Izaya: Well I’d assume you’re one of those people

Izaya: But then I’d have to feel sorry for you. 

 

Unknown: Yea I’d feel sorry for me too. Now who’s overconfident? 

 

Izaya: Whatever. 

Izaya: Why are you still talking to me anyways? 

 

Unknown: You’re paying the bill. 

 

Izaya: I suppose so. 

 

Unknown: Like I said. 

Unknown: As much as I hate to admit it, I do like talking to you. 

 

Izaya: That’s so bizarre

Izaya: This is definitely interesting. 

 

Unknown: Not everything has to be entertaining. 

 

Izaya: Well then what is this? 

 

Unknown: I guess I’m still curious 

 

Izaya: about what? 

 

Unknow: about the kind of person you really are. 

 

Izaya: Well I could say the same thing about you, even if I don’t want to know for now. 

 

Unknown: for now.. 

Unknown: eventually you do? 

 

Izaya: You said it yourself, it’s inevitable. 

 

Unknown: All good things come to an end. 

 

Izaya: What makes you say that?    
Izaya: What makes you think we won’t get along now that you’ve had a change of heart? 

 

Unknown: Because you haven’t. 

 

Izaya: There’s only one person I hate. 

 

Unknown: I know. 

 

Izaya: And now you have to go and ruin everything by saying that? 

 

Unknown: I told you I don’t think things through. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't supposed to be too much of a slow burn, and since Izaya is very perceptive it was only a matter of time until he figured it out.   
> The next chapter will go back to the original style, but I thought a fluid text chapter would be nice to see instead of stopping every few minutes to tell you what else was going on.   
> If you want to see more texting chapters in the future, let me know!


	5. In which the self preservation takes over

 

Izaya: I can’t keep pretending I don’t know who you are… 

 

Izaya: I didn’t want to be right. 

Izaya: To think you had me fooled as long as you did… 

 

Izaya: So now what? 

  
  


No response came. 

 

He wasn’t surprised, but the disappointment hit him like a ton of bricks. What the hell was he supposed to do  about this? Why did he have to confide in the one person he swore to hate. 

 

More importantly why didn’t Shizuo hate him anymore. 

 

A recent self evaluation he had claimed. That couldn’t be the only thing that changed him. When he thought about it, doing something as selfless as bringing a worst enemy to the hospital did seem up Shizu-chan’s alley. 

 

It wasn’t fair. 

 

He never had any intention of talking to that monster like this, but now it was too late. He was attached. It made him sick, but more so excited. 

 

There was truth to Shizuo’s sentiment. That was how he felt then, this is how he feels now. Izaya could relate, but how could he tell him that now that he was being ignored. 

 

Normally it was the other way around with them. Shizuo looking for a fight, and him feigning innocence. No that wasn’t right, Izaya was the one who started this animosity between them... 

 

“Dumb as an ox, and then sharp as a whip. That’s why I hate him.” 

 

He’d said that many times, but one word could easily be replaced with another. He felt sick all over again, but it wasn’t the normal disgust. Instead it was like a never ending anxiety that sent his heart racing. 

 

He should be mad at himself. In the back of his head, he always assumed this would happen if he wasn’t careful. Maybe that’s why he stopped messing with Shizu-chan more directly and focused on bigger mafia gigs. 

 

“I don’t want people to think I’m obsessed with him.”

  
  


That’s what he told himself. People were commenting on how far he went to put Shizuo out, getting him fired, making him miserable… Kadota had told him to stop pulling pigtails and give the guy a break. 

 

After that he stopped bothering Shizu-chan unless provoked. Sure it was fun if he got caught up in the chaos, but he didn’t single the blonde out as much as he had in the past. 

 

“I don’t want people to think I’m obsessed with him.” 

 

Just another case of one word being easily replaced with another. 

 

_ ‘I don’t want people to -think- I’m obsessed with him.’  _

 

_ ‘I don’t want people to -know- I’m obsessed with him.’  _

 

_ ‘Dumb as an ox, and then sharp as a whip. That’s why I -hate- him.’  _

 

_ ‘Dumb as an ox, and then sharp as a whip. That’s why I -love- him.’  _

 

Had he always been so transparent?

 

Izaya: Fine I admit it. 

Izaya: I was hitting on you. 

  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  


It had been a whole week with no response. 

 

Izaya felt ridiculous. He didn’t regret saying what he said, but he felt foolish all the same. Not that anyone would ever know. 

 

There was aimless tension in the air whenever he went outside. Would he run into Shizuo? Would Shizuo come to see him? 

 

Neither ever occured, but it was only a matter of time… 

 

They lived in the same area. Sure he stayed out of Ikebukuro now, but eventually he’d have to drop in for work. The city wasn’t that big, they’d run into each other. 

  
  


Shinra: How are you feeling? Come by, I want to look at your wound! 

 

Izaya: Gross. No way. Buzz off. 

 

Shinra: Ah come on! I’ll order your favorite sushi? 

 

While it would be nice to have dinner with the doctor and get some more painkillers he ran the risk of seeing Shizuo… 

 

The thought thrilled him more than it worried him. 

  
  


Izaya: Fine. 

 

Izaya: It’s just you right? 

 

Shinra: Yea, Celty has some jobs running late. 

 

Izaya: Keep it that way. 

 

Shinra: So bossy! 

 

He took the train over to the city, using the time alone to scroll through their texts. The person who was texting him didn’t sound like Shizuo at first, but when he read through them again he was kicking himself for not realizing it sooner. 

 

Of course this was Shizu-chan… 

 

_ [Izaya: Why were you in the hospital? _

 

_ Unknown: Which time? _

 

_ Izaya: So a lot of hospital visits…..  _

_ Izaya: Do you know what its like to be stabbed. _

 

_ Unknown: More than you.] _

  
  


The signs were all there. The hospital visits.. Probably from all the times he broke his bones. 

  
  


_ [Unknown: Aside from this I don’t think we’ve ever had a normal conversation.] _

 

They were always fighting. There was never time or patience to actually talk to each other.

  
  


_ [Unknown: Do you think about death a lot? _

 

_ Izaya: Yes. _

 

_ Unknown: I used to but why dwell on it if you can’t control it. _

_ Unknown: Everyone’s going to die eventually.] _

  
  


The self hatred they shared… 

 

  
_ [Izaya: What makes you think we won’t get along now that you’ve had a change of heart?  _

 

_ Unknown: Because you haven’t.] _

  
  


Who was he to say Izaya still felt the same. As cliche as it sounds, a brush with death really did change his perspective a little. A lot.. 

 

He needed to talk to someone other than himself, so he sent the burner another text.  

 

Izaya: I thought you said you reevaluated yourself. 

Izaya: Are you still a coward then? 

 

This was getting out of hand… why was he digging himself further into his grave. If he saw Shizuo now, what the hell did he think was going to happen? 

 

Obviously he didn’t have to worry about a fight, but he’d prefer it to the latter… 

 

He was able to get to Shinra’s building with no problems. It was a straight shot there from the station so if he ran into Shizuo then it would be because he was going to Shinra’s as well. 

 

When he arrived the doctor was in his usual good spirits. The food was already ordered and on its way so they decided to catch up a little. Shinra was finally able to get a good look at his injury that was starting to scar over. 

 

His fingers traced lightly around the gash. The sensation reminded Izaya of how foreign physical contact was to him now. He immediately flinched back, thankfully that could be chalked up to the pain he was also feeling. 

 

“Sorry--” Shinra said, even though continued to poke and prod him, “--man that’s nasty, no wonder you bled so much!” 

 

He swatted the doctor’s hands away, “Alright, cut it out I--” 

 

A pounding on the door interrupted him followed by a voice that shook him to the core. 

  
  


_ “Come on open up, I told you I was coming over.”  _

  
  


Izaya whipped his head back around to Shinra, who just shook his head in confusion. 

 

“Celty probably forgot to tell him she was out--” 

 

“--I’m not here, got it?” he hissed, at the doctor. 

 

He locked himself in Shinra’s room, but pressed an ear to the door to listen. There was some shuffling, and the sound of the front door opening. 

 

“Oh hey,” came Shizuo’s deep voice, “Celty not home?”

 

Had his voice always been so deep? 

 

“She’s working late, must have slipped her mind!” 

 

“Ah I see…” 

 

“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you met up with her though, she likes the company on jobs.” 

 

“Yea that’s--” 

 

They were interrupted by the delivery man who was bringing their sushi. An unnatural silence passed between the two of them after the food was dropped off. Izaya could feel himself gripping the door knob in anticipation. 

 

“You hate tuna,” Shizuo stated bluntly. 

 

“That’s not true I--” 

 

“Why are your medical tools out?” 

 

Shinra started to sputter, “I was just reorganizing!” 

 

“Right…” it seemed like he wasn’t buying it, “I’ll go catch Celty then… see you.” 

 

“...See you.” 

 

The door shut with a loud slam, no doubt Shizuo had figured them out. It had taken him less than a second to realize Izaya was at least on his way. It was hard to tell if the man knew he was in the house. 

 

Had Shizuo always been this perceptive? 

 

Izaya’s phone buzzed and then his heart dropped into his stomach. 

  
  
  


Unknown: You’re the coward. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very surprised by the traction this work is getting! This was just an idea I had a few years ago I never had the chance to write. I started re watching the series and inspiration struck! 
> 
> While I'm a fan of miscommunication troupes, I felt like these two were the type to have all their cards on the table. Of course there's going to be some hesitation from both ends but their feelings are honest. You'll get Shizuo's thoughts on all of this in the next chapter.


	6. In which the truth comes out

_ What the hell am I doing? _

 

Shizuo reread the last few messages between them, but he was still unable to register whatever this was. Izaya knew it was him, but he still wanted to talk to him? It had to be some kind of trap. 

 

At least that’s what he thought until he got to the doctor’s house that day. 

 

The plan was to meet up with Celty and get more advice. He was panicking. The more self aware texts Izaya sent him the more he wanted to throw himself into the ocean. 

 

He felt like he couldn’t breath half the time. When he decided to put this fighting behind him he hadn’t expected these feelings would take its place. 

 

The thing is when he saw Izaya there laying in a pool of his own blood something broke inside him, and he wasn’t sure why. All he knew was that he never wanted to be the cause. Right then and there he decided not to fight with Izaya anymore. 

 

Then Izaya had started texting him, and now that there was no anger there was room for something else. Talking to him without being seen by him was a liberating feeling.

 

There were things that surprised him about the person he used to despise, things that worried him, upset him, but…. There were also things that made him laugh. Genuinely laugh, and that’s when it suddenly hit him. 

 

He might actually like Izaya Orihara. 

 

From that point it was all downhill for him. The thing with Shizuo was he didn’t like most people he met. People just pissed him off nine times out of ten. So when he did like someone he fell hard for that person. 

 

So far in his life that had just been platonically. Well… other than that crush he had on Kadota in high school. When it came to Celty, Tom, Kasuka… he loved them so much. He’d die for them in a heartbeat. 

 

Kasuka had told him he should be careful. That his fierce loyalty could be his downfall if he surrounded himself with bad people. So far he hadn’t. Celty was just as strong as he was, they had a common ground and cared about each other. Tom had always been protective of him, he’d never take advantage of his strength. 

 

Izaya on the other hand… well Izaya wasn’t a good person by any means.

 

Maybe his recovery would change him, but it probably wouldn’t. Shizuo had changed, that didn’t mean Izaya did. 

 

It was too late though. He could feel himself getting attached, and it fired him up so much he wanted to punch a wall just to distract himself. 

 

The worst part was this wasn’t like his relationships with others. He didn’t want things to be platonic or civil between them. If they weren’t fighting anymore then something just as volatile had to take its place… 

  
  


_ [Izaya: Cause I like talking to you, and I don’t feel like changing things for the worse.] _

  
  


At first he thought he was imagining things...

 

_ [Izaya: I can’t help what’s on my mind. _

_ Izaya: And you’ve been on it all the time, lately] _

  
  


But after that it was pretty clear Izaya’s intentions were the same. It didn’t mean anything then because he still had no idea he was actually talking to Shizuo. Once Izaya realized who was on the other side of that burner phone he’d regret what he said. 

  
  


_ [Izaya: Fine I admit it. _

_ Izaya: I was hitting on you.] _

 

Except he didn’t… 

 

Shizuo didn’t expect that, but this was Izaya. There was a good chance the man was messing with his head, and this was some cruel joke. At least that’s what he thought at first… 

 

And then he showed up to Celty’s place to talk only to find Izaya hiding from him and Shinra covering his ass. If Izaya wanted to hurt him, he’d come out to gloat or fight. He wouldn’t haul up in the apartment until Shizuo left. 

 

Inaction was just as telling as action. 

 

So now his brain was fried at the idea of his feelings being mutual. This was dangerous and reckless. He was normally in the pot with both, but that was physically not mentally. He wanted his life to be simple and peaceful at the end of the day. 

 

Any kind of consistent contact with Izaya would be signing up for the opposite. 

 

His stupid heart wasn’t looking at the big picture. 

  
  
  


Unknown: You’re the coward.

  
  


Izaya: Yes it would seem that way. 

Izaya: So what do two cowards do when they’ve come to a reckoning? 

 

Unknown: Run. 

 

Izaya: I don’t want to run anymore. 

 

Unknown: Neither do I. 

  
  


It was time they faced this head on. It was pointless to keep dancing around their words. While inaction could be telling he wanted his actions to take him somewhere. 

 

They could meet amicably and hate it. What was the harm if they were already used to hating each other. At least this way they’d have more of a reason to. Hating him wasn’t what he was worried about though… 

  
  


Izaya: Well then what are you waiting for Shizuo? 

  
  


That was all he needed. Seeing his name there as a confirmation sent him reeling. His heart felt like it was about to tear out of his chest. It was an amazing feeling, he wondered if that was what other people feel like when they’re in-- 

 

He pushed that thought down. 

 

If he was overzealous he’d get burned in the end and it would be his own fault.  

  
  


\-----

 

He wasn’t sure where Izaya was now, or if that last text was an invitation to find him. It seemed very anticlimactic to discuss a time and meeting place. They always seemed to run into each other, so if he just backtracked through his day they should collide at some point. 

 

After he left Celty’s apartment he had only gone as far as the park a few miles away. At that point Izaya had started texting him again, so he had gotten distracted. 

 

His other phone buzzed.

  
  


Celty: Sorry I totally spaced! 

Celty: Shinra just messaged me and said you stopped by. I can meet you now, I just got done with my last drop off. I’m free for another hour if you want to talk? 

 

Right, he was going to try to find Celty after he left Shinra and Izaya to their gossiping. He figured that’s what they were doing anyways… Then again those medical supplies were out, was something up with Izaya’s stab wound? 

 

Celty: Where are you? 

 

Damn, he had already forgotten about texting her back… 

 

Shizuo: Don’t worry about it

Shizuo: I’m at the park by your house. 

 

Celty: On my way! 

 

With that horse of hers it wouldn’t take her long to get to him. He wondered if he should tell her what was going on with him and Izaya. At first he thought against it, but then he realized Izaya never really cared about his privacy in the past so why should he?

 

Plus it would be nice to tell someone about this whole ordeal. It had been eating him up all month, and Celty wouldn’t judge him about something like this. 

 

He had debated talking to Tom about it, but that wasn’t a good idea. He knew the man wouldn’t approve. Tom hated Izaya, mainly for ruining Shizuo’s high school experience and blowing up his temper. 

 

When they were in middle school Tom was kind of like an older brother figure to him. He was always concerned about Shizuo’s stress levels and even helped him managed his anger issues. 

 

Shizuo had been doing pretty well until Izaya showed up… 

 

He wondered what it would be like between them if the two had met under different circumstances. Would they still hate each other? Or would they already be toget--

  
  


Thankfully the zooming sound of Celty’s bike stopped him from going further down that line of thinking. 

 

She stopped in front of him, and waved in his direction. His heart already felt lighter being in her presence. Whenever they were together he always felt like he was normal. Her accepting nature made him feel wanted, and they could relate on a level no one else could understand. 

 

They were both monsters afterall. 

 

Celty: Thanks for waiting! 

 

“Sure, I was gonna go looking for you anyways,” he waved, “Busy day?” 

 

Her shoulders slumped. 

 

Celty: Oh yes… It’s been one job after another. Surprisingly nothing from Izaya in a while. I haven’t even heard from him since he got out of the hospital. 

 

He blinked at the phone in his face, rereading the message to make sure that what she actually said. Why the hell was she bringing up Izaya to him? He had a feeling she knew something, but this was a little much… 

 

“Right… well that’s a good thing I guess…” 

 

She crossed her arms, her back straightening. If she had a head her expression would probably look annoyed. 

 

Celty: Normally when he’s brought up you throw a fit. 

 

He scoffed, “A fit? I’m not a little kid.” 

 

Celty: So what exactly is going on with you guys? 

 

His heart stopped for a second. How the hell did she know? He hadn’t told anyone, and was avoiding the man so he wouldn’t have to fake a confrontation. There was no way she could know something was up just because Shizuo wasn’t upset about her bringing him up. 

 

He must have looked shocked, because she was typing something else. Then she put a hand on his shoulder, concern written in her actions. 

 

Celty: I saw you that night. 

 

“You what--” he paled at the message, not sure how to respond. 

 

Celty: The night Izaya was stabbed, I saw you bringing him to the hospital. At the time I thought I was seeing things, but you’ve been acting so off lately I knew it had to be you. 

  
  


There was no getting around it. If she saw him, she saw him. He shouldn’t feel embarrassed, he wanted to get her advice about this anyways. At least now his confession wouldn’t come as a surprise. 

 

Celty: If you two aren’t fighting anymore I think that’s great! I mean this way things can be civil between you guys. One less thing to worry about. 

 

He sighed, pushing her hand away. 

 

“It’s not just that…

 

Now I know this isn’t going to make any sense, but--” 

 

Celty was shaking his shoulder now, as if to draw his attention somewhere. It was then that he felt that familiar presence behind him… It had been a while since they had seen each other face to face, but he’d never forget the feeling. 

 

That feeling of murderous intent. That feeling of excitement. That feeling that would send him racing across the city without a care in the world. 

 

His voice sounded different. There was no bite to it, if anything it sounded like Izaya was scolding him...

 

_ “What the hell are you doing?”  _

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fast update, I couldn't help myself...  
> Finally they meet in person! Don't worry, not everything is going to be resolved between them next chapter. We have to save something for future drama. 
> 
> Since I had a lot of these chapters pre written the next 'all texting' chapter with be ch. 8!


	7. In which we are seen in a new light

 

“What the hell are you doing?”

 

_ What the hell am I doing? _

 

Once the words left his mouth Izaya regretted it immediately. The last thing he wanted was there to be a third party at their first nonviolent encounter. If he had been thinking clearly he would snuck away to rethink this whole situation. 

 

But he panicked. 

 

When he saw them talking he already knew it had to be about him. What else would they be talking about, Celty was a person Shizuo confided in quite often. 

 

So he jumped the gun and tried to interrupt them. Why? So Celty wouldn’t know what? That they might or might not like each other? Was this grade school? 

 

When Shizuo finally turned his head to look at him it sure felt that way. His expression was a lot calmer than he was used to seeing. Now Izaya felt all the more ridiculous for yelling, but it was too late for that, so he’d have to own it. 

 

It was just hard when Shizuo was starting to resemble those guys from an anime who’d slam a hand between you and the wall to make their point. Was he fantasizing now? 

 

He glanced over to Celty who had started signing him something now that Shizuo wasn’t paying attention to her. 

 

‘You better be nice, brat.’ 

 

Izaya blinked, “Brat….?” 

 

Since when did Celty stop calling him more profane things like ‘asshole’ or ‘fucker’? 

 

Shizuo turned back, and Celty showed him something on her phone before zooming off. When she left he realized that he felt worse now that they were alone. 

 

Izaya was still a good distance away from the man, and he almost felt like calling it quits and just turning around to go home. That was just his anxiety talking, if he ran away now he’d feel worse. 

 

“Obsessing over an uncontrollable force, isn’t that what you said?”

 

His breath caught in his throat, what the hell was he supposed to say to that… Izaya remembered saying something along those lines when they had been messaging, but he wasn’t sure why. 

 

Oh right… they were talking about death. 

 

He looked down, not sure what his next move was going to be. His senses must have been completely off because when he looked back up, Shizuo was standing in front of him now. There was still a respectable amount of space between them, but being able to see him up close so still… there was something exhilarating about it. 

 

Normally when they saw each other in person, they were too busy trying to hurt each other to really take in the view. The itch he felt for a switchblade wasn’t getting him like it normally did. Something he had been worried about… 

 

“I guess I just thought it was ironic… Kyohei had mentioned something similar back in high school,” Shizuo continued, “I didn’t really get it until recently.”

 

Izaya blinked, not sure where this was going. Why was Shizuo bringing up Kadota all of the sudden? He was only able to register half of what the man was saying though. 

 

Not deterred by his silence Shizuo kept going, “I think he said something along the lines of ‘Don’t waste your time on me when there’s someone else who’s obsessed with your every move.’

 

I had no idea what he was talking about, I figured he was just speaking metaphorically--”

 

“--God will you shut up?” he found himself saying. 

 

Was Shizuo always like this? Izaya wasn’t expecting him to bring up all of this so suddenly. He felt cornered and vulnerable, not something he was used to. To think the man was so thoughtful, or rather did he just remember everything and knew how to hold it against someone? 

 

Maybe they were actually more alike than he thought. 

 

“He was talking about you right?” 

 

Izaya glared back at him, “Why is this the first thing you bring up?” 

 

He looked down, not responding. There was something Shizuo wasn’t saying, the reason he had started this confrontation. Bringing up the past? What happened in highschool, and why did it involve Kyohei? 

 

“That was the day he rejected me.” 

  
  


_ Oh.  _

 

“But then…” Shizuo’s tone started to change to something feigning the more agitated voice he was used to hearing, 

 

“Not even ten minutes later some asshole was trying to beat my head in because  _ you  _ told him I hit on his girlfriend!”

 

Izaya snorted, “Right.” 

 

Shizuo didn’t look that amused, but he wasn’t angry either. His face seemed almost apathetic like he wasn’t trying to get his hopes up. 

 

Izaya felt small under his gaze. His first instinct was to say something mean to take the heat off, but he stopped himself. Normally he was the one who would never shut up, yet now he had nothing to say. 

 

Or rather he wouldn’t let himself say it. 

 

“For some who claims to love people so much, you sure have a hellish way of showing it.” 

 

“Well so do you,” Izaya said, not bothering to put up a defense to what the other man was implying. 

 

“Yea I guess that’s true in a way,” he agreed turning away to light a cigarette. 

 

He took a seat on the bench across from them, and suddenly Izaya felt more at eaze. When they were just staring at each other he could barely focus, trying to push down the rising panic in his chest.

 

That might have been the reason he couldn’t say that much. Had he really felt so unsettled? Even more concerning it seemed like Shizuo had noticed, but now he was smoking so maybe he had nerves as well. 

 

Feeling so out of control on the inside was annoying. Was this how Shizuo felt all of the time? 

 

He took a seat next to him, but far enough away that he felt comfortable. 

 

The blonde took a drag, and suddenly there was cloud of smoke in his face. 

 

“Gross….” Izaya squinted, fanning it away. 

 

“Kasuka said I shouldn’t surround myself with bad people because of the way I am…” Shizuo trailed, ignoring his comment. 

 

“Then why did you keep messaging me.” 

 

It was more of a statement than a question. They both knew why, but Izaya was getting annoyed at being so on display. Nothing could prepare him for Shizuo’s response though. 

 

“I can’t help what’s on my mind,” his mocking tone not lost Izaya, “And you’ve been on it all the time, lately.” 

  
  


A silence passed between them. 

 

“It’s sad you remember that word for word.” 

Izaya had been looking away from him since they sat down, but suddenly Shizuo was laughing and he couldn’t tear his eyes away. At first it was out of shock, he had never heard the other man laugh so genuinely, only out of spite. 

 

Then he got stuck because had Shizuo’s eyelashes always been so long? Izaya looked away before he could be noticed. It had been more out of jealousy than embarrassment though… 

 

That tended to happen when he stared at men for too long. Taking in his features had gone from appreciation to analytical within just a few seconds. 

 

“Yea I guess it is pretty pathetic,” Shizuo sighed, taking another drag. 

 

“That’s what’s going to kill you in the end now, not me,” he scoffed, pointing out the bad habit. 

 

“Oh yea? That’s what my doctor says all the time. I always tell him the same thing.” 

 

“What’s that?” 

 

Shizuo had turned to look at him now, his face still amused. 

 

_ “Fingers crossed.”  _

  
  


Izaya laughed loudly all at once, not expecting the response. They had touched on this darker type of thinking before, but never joked about it. Normally when he had said similar things with Shinra the man would look at him concerned instead of taking it lightly. 

 

He didn’t want the concern or the pandering. He just wanted someone be able to find humor in the situation so he didn’t feel so alone. 

 

“I’m glad you think it’s funny,” Shizuo said interrupting his thoughts, “Tom never does. Told me ‘don’t let your family hear you talk like that.’ Always takes it so seriously.” 

 

I thought hit him fast and hard. 

 

“Did I ever make you feel like that?” 

 

Shizuo snorted, “No. I never cared about what you thought of me. At least things were pretty black and white with you. It’s everyone else. I used to wonder if all of my friends were scared of me.

 

And come to think of it… you’ve never seemed that scared of me.” 

  
  


“You’re an idiot when you go off. I’m not scared of some dumbass throwing around street signs.” 

 

Smoke came out of the other man’s nose, “Well I’m not scared of some know it all asshole who thinks he’s some kind of god.” 

  
  


“I don’t think that!” 

 

“Sure,” Shizuo rolled his eyes. 

  
  


They sat in silence for a little while after that. Izaya was still more than confused. So they had talked to each other and it was… nice. What did that mean? Were they friends? Should he ask? 

 

Izaya was not used to having friends or people close to him that knew his true nature. Shinra, Naime, and Mikado were the people that knew him well and stuck around. Maybe Celty by proxy, but she didn’t like him. 

  
  


“So what is this then?” he finally asked, “Are we friends now?” 

 

Shizuo glanced over at him, his expression unreadable. The only real give away was the way his eye twitched at the word ‘friends.’ 

  
  


“I don’t want to be your friend.” 

 

Disappointment hit him for all of two seconds until Izaya realized what he was implying. 

 

That was fast… apparently despite his more logical side Shizuo was an ‘all or nothing’ kind of guy. Normally Izaya was too, but this was different. It was easy to think of what ifs or maybes but to act on something like this with full seriousness…. 

 

It wasn’t something he was built for. 

 

How could explain himself without it sounding like a rejection? 

 

“But I don’t want to get in your way. I know the kind of person you are.” 

 

Izaya crossed his arms, “I don’t think you get it.” 

 

Somewhere during their back and forth Shizuo had gotten closer to him. His free arm was resting behind them on the bench and suddenly he was leaning forward. Izaya’s body screamed at him to scoot away, but he stayed still only able to stare back into those amber eyes. 

 

He stopped short of completely invading Izaya’s personal space, but at this range he could clearly take in the smell of cigarettes. It wasn’t as horrible as he thought it would be, if anything a part of him wanted to close the gap. 

 

But that would be crossing a line. A line that was already starting to look too blurry for his comfort. 

 

“Yea maybe I don’t, but I want to.” 

 

“You’re wasting your time…” 

 

Shizuo smiled, it was small but real. In that moment Izaya thought he was going to throw up, he wondered if this is what people felt like when they were in-- 

 

“So? I have to figure out something to do with it.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be all texts.   
> Hope you enjoyed these idiots trying to talk to each other <3


	8. In which there is a new honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all of the texts between Izaya and Shizuo now that they are self aware. It starts from a few days after chapter 7 and carries on from there! The next chapter will be back in it's normal style, but if you like the the text chapters let me know I will add more!

Izaya: Do you ever hate yourself for not hating me anymore?    
Izaya: because I’m starting to feel that way. 

 

Shizuo: That sounds like a ‘you’ problem. 

 

Izaya: Answer my question

 

Shizuo: I don’t hate myself anymore. Simple as that. 

 

Izaya: I see… good for you. 

 

Shizuo: Are you really so concerned about your past self? Who cares. 

 

Izaya: I wasn’t actually being serious… 

 

Shizuo: I know.   
Shizuo: Still sounds like a ‘you’ problem though, don’t go blaming me. 

 

Izaya: So you want me to blame myself? 

 

Shizuo: What exactly are we talking about? 

 

Izaya: Hopeless why do I even bother. 

 

Shizuo: This is all your fault for getting stabbed in the first place. 

 

Izaya: You were a lot nicer when I didn’t know who you were.

Izaya: What happened to that guy? 

 

Shizuo: That’s because you would have figured it out. 

 

Izaya: I did figure it out, asshole. 

 

Shizuo: Yea but it took you weeks, not a great time. 

 

Izaya: I told you I wasn’t going to try to find out? 

 

Shizuo: Excuses. 

 

Izaya: Next time I will just cut out the middleman and cancel the phone in the first place. 

 

Shizuo: Next time? 

 

Izaya: Yea, do you want to be the one to stab me this round? 

 

Shizuo: No thanks. 

Shizuo: You can’t expect me to be there every time you have a brush with death. 

 

Izaya: Then what good are you. 

 

Shizuo: I remember when you were nice too. You used to ask me all kinds of questions. 

Shizuo: What’s your favorite color? Have you ever been stabbed? Do you think about death? 

 

Izaya: Have you always been such an idiot? 

 

Shizuo: I’m pretty sure I asked you that. 

 

Izaya: Okay you got me there. 

Izaya: Do you miss hurling city property at me? 

 

Shizuo: Not at all. 

 

Izaya: I kind of do. 

Izaya: I guess it’s true what they say. 

Izaya: You never know when you’re in the golden years. 

 

Shizuo: God maybe I will try to whack you in the head the next time I see you if that’s the case. 

 

Izaya: It won’t be the same :( 

 

Shizuo: Yea I sure hope not. 

  
  


\----

  
  


Izaya: Here’s a question for you!    
Izaya: I can’t believe I haven’t thought of it sooner!

 

Shizuo: What. 

 

Izaya: Have a little excitement will you. 

 

Shizuo: WHAT. 

 

Izaya: Yikes. 

Izaya: But really. 

Izaya: What are we supposed to do in public now? 

 

Shizuo: What do you mean? 

 

Izaya: I mean obviously we aren’t trying to kill each other anymore. 

 

Shizuo: Aren’t we though. 

 

Izaya: What are you pissed off at me? Get used to it. 

 

Shizuo: Only a little. It’s been a week since that day. 

 

Izaya: I’ve had a lot of work, don’t be so needy. 

Izaya: And you never answered me. 

 

Shizuo: What are you freaking out about again? 

 

Izaya: …. 

Izaya: What do we do in public? 

Izaya: People expect us to fight right? 

 

Shizuo: Oh I see what you’re saying now… 

Shizuo: I guess so. Who cares. 

 

Izaya: I don’t but what do you think will happen? 

 

Shizuo: I don’t know we’ve never gone out. 

Shizuo: Which I’d hope would have changed by now. 

 

Izaya: Stop whining. 

Izaya: I haven’t even been in Japan for three days. 

 

Shizuo: Wait what? 

Shizuo: Where did you go?? 

 

Izaya: I had to make a stop in America, I just got back this morning. 

 

Shizuo: Why didn’t you tell me? 

 

Izaya: Why would I? It’s not like you would have noticed. 

 

Shizuo: It’s just what people do. 

 

Izaya: I told my secretary, if you were so worried. 

 

Shizuo: …. 

Shizuo: I guess I should have expected this. 

 

Izaya: Expected what? 

 

Shizuo: for you to be so bad at this. 

 

Izaya: At what? 

 

Shizuo: I don’t know. But you’re not doing so great. 

 

Izaya: Thanks for the evaluation… 

 

Shizuo: Next time tell me if you leave the damn country. 

 

Izaya: Fine. 

  
  


\----

  
  
  


Izaya: Hey I’m free today!

 

Shizuo: Too bad so sad. 

 

Izaya: What are you breaking up with me? 

 

Shizuo: How do I even begin to unpack that? 

Shizuo: You know what. I won’t. 

Shizuo: I’m busy today. 

 

Izaya: Ah. 

 

Shizuo: That is what I meant. 

 

Izaya: Yes… I see that now. 

  
  
  
  


Izaya: busy doing what? 

 

Shizuo: The world doesn’t revolve around you. 

 

Izaya: does*

Izaya: honestly I’m just curious. 

Izaya: If you left the country and didn’t tell me am I allowed to be mad at you for no reason? 

 

Shizuo: … 

Shizuo: I’m visiting my grandmother. 

 

Izaya: Not true!   
Izaya: Your grandmother is dead. 

 

Shizuo: Thank you for reminding me. 

Shizuo: Not sure if you were aware but someone also had to give birth to my mother, and she is still alive. 

 

Izaya: Oops. 

Izaya: Uh… tell your father I’m sorry. 

 

Shizuo: Not going to remind him his mother is dead, but I appreciate your concern.

 

Izaya: ahaha I guess you’re mad at me. 

 

Shizuo: Well you have given me plenty reason to be. 

Shizuo: but no. It’s going to take more than that. 

 

Izaya: alright then. 

  
  
  
  


Izaya: Last time I saw you my first thought was…. 

Izaya: God when was the last time Shizu-chan got his roots touched up. 

 

Shizuo: Yea okay now I’m pissed. 

 

Izaya: And vain!

Izaya: You care more about your hair than your dead grandmother!? 

  
  
  
  


Izaya: Hello?    
Izaya: No smart come back for that one? 

  
  
  


\----

  
  


Izaya: Hey remember when I kept bringing up a deceased member of your family?    
Izaya: No hard feelings right? 

 

Shizuo: Good morning. 

 

Izaya: Thank god I thought you were actually mad at me

 

Shizuo: Sadly no. 

Shizuo: What do you want? 

 

Izaya: Rude. 

 

Shizuo: It’s seven in the morning. 

 

Izaya: Yea I’m well aware. 

 

Shizuo: Is this just how it’s going to be from now on.    
Shizuo: Will I never get a nights rest again? 

 

Izaya: You are so dramatic. This is a normal time. 

 

Shizuo: Am I? You seem to only be up after midnight or at the crack of dawn. 

Shizuo: When do you sleep then? 

 

Izaya: I find little times during the day. 

 

Shizuo: Well I can’t live like that. 

 

Izaya: Well fine then. 

Izaya: I was going to ask if you were free today, but if you are just going to sleep all day then just kidding. 

 

Shizuo: Well now I’m already up. 

 

Izaya: Oh wow don’t get too excited on me!   
  
Shizuo: I’m not a morning person. 

 

Izaya: Yea I’m starting to get that. 

 

Shizuo: I have to go to work at noon but do you want to get breakfast before then?    
  


Izaya: Fine. 

 

Shizuo: You were the who texted me! 

 

Izaya: I’ll text you the address of this place I like. 

 

Shizuo: Fine!

 

Izaya: [sent pinned location] 

 

Shizuo: Oh I like this place too. 

 

Izaya: Kill me. 

 

Shizuo: After breakfast. 


End file.
